Tucker Carlson is “Totally Turned Off” by “Less Sexy” Female M&M’s

The M&M’s “more inclusive” rebrand stirred up a lot of reaction this week, but no one is angrier about it that Tucker Carlson.

The Fox News host dedicated an entire segment on his eponymous show, Tucker Carlson Tonight, to rant and rave about the M&M’s gang’s new look — specifically directing his ire at the changes in the female M&M’s. (Ms. Green traded her go-go boots for a pair of sneakers, while Ms. Brown’s heels were lowered to a sensible, more professional height.)

“M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal,” Carlson opined. “When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity; they’ve won.”

I never thought I’d have to say this, but should someone remind the conservative firebrand that you, uh, shouldn’t be sexually turned on by animated pieces of candy? No, not even if they’re wearing high heels, Tucker.

Of course, the Twitterverse couldn’t resist having a field day with Carlson’s latest diatribe. One user commented, “um I can’t think of one person who has ever said I want to have a drink w a cartoon M&M or any cartoon for that matter or that changing the green M&M from boots to sneakers is a ‘turn off’ I can’t even believe I had to type this out wtf is happening to our country?! FFS Tucker.”

Another wrote, “Are we supposed to act like it’s normal that Tucker wants to have sex with candy and cartoons and puppets??” while a third dropped the mic with, “They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.”

Check out a clip from Carlson’s M&M’s rant as well as some of the best reactions to it below.

Tucker: M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal. When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity… pic.twitter.com/rz7VtVCHWu

— Acyn (@Acyn) January 22, 2022

Are we supposed to act like it’s normal that Tucker wants to have sex with candy and cartoons and puppets??

— Luke Zaleski (@ZaleskiLuke) January 22, 2022

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

— Dumpster Fire Pagan (@Deepstatejesus) January 22, 2022

um I can’t think of one person who has ever said I want to have a drink w a cartoon M&M or any cartoon for that matter or that changing the green M&M from boots to sneakers is a “turn off” I can’t even believe I had to type this out wtf is happening to our country?! FFS Tucker 🤣 pic.twitter.com/MNxWKWW7LY

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— andrea (@myahsmommy0624) January 22, 2022

Tucker doesn’t like brown ones.
Haven’t we always known this?

— Craig Stevens-Marshall (@CraigStevensMa1) January 22, 2022

I remember a time when AMERICA had fuckable candy! And we were proud of wanting to fuck the candy! This country’s going to hell I tell ya

— Clue Heywood (@ClueHeywood) January 22, 2022

I don’t even want the candy if I can’t pretend to bang it.

— Cindylouwhobaja (@Cindylouwhobaj1) January 22, 2022

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