2020 Presidential Campaign
Tim Heidecker’s New Song Skewers Rudy Giuliani’s Four Seasons Fiasco: Stream
On Saturday, November 7th, Donald Trump announced a press conference at the Four Seasons Hotel in Philadelphia. Soon afterwards, his campaign offered the correction that, actually, Rudy Giuliani would be speaking to reporters from the parking lot of Four Seasons Total Landscaping, between a crematorium and Fantasy Island Adult Bookstore. Now, like a bard of old, Tim Heidecker has written a new ballad worthy of our current crop of leaders, and he’s titled it “Rudy at the 4 Seasons”. Heidecker shared the tune last night on Twitter. Like any good dramatist, he begins by sketching out the scene. “Standing out in front of a pile of manure,” he sings, “Spitting out lies that belong in the sewer.” His Giuliani imagines himself at a posh ballroom, eating crudités instead of supplying crudity. ...
Dwayne Johnson Celebrates Biden Win by Crying “a Tear or Two — or Ten” and Pounding Tequila
For four years, Donald Trump equated empathy with weakness, called people who were suffering “losers,” and played “Macho Man” at campaign rallies. Now Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is modeling a different kind of manliness, happily telling his followers that he “cried a tear or two — or ten” celebrating the Biden-Harris victory. A self-described “political independent and centrist,” Johnson shocked some of his fans with a September endorsement of Joe Biden. Then yesterday, November 8th, The Rock shared an Instagram video revealing the depth of his support. He said he, “got a little emotional,” hearing the race had been called for Biden, adding, “I may have cried a tear, or two, or ten, but they were all very manly, all my tears were manly. But the reason why I got emotional yesterday was becau...
Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford Drop Anti-Trump Ads: Watch
The Trump campaign already compared itself to the Death Star, and so it makes sense that they’ve provoked the Rebel Alliance into action. Now, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker and General Han Solo have — oh fuck it, we can’t do this today. Democracy is under threat and the world is on fire, so please enjoy Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford from that space wizard thing you like explaining why you should just fucking vote already. Hamill and Ford appeared in separate advertisements from The Lincoln Project, an anti-Trump super PAC run by former GOP operatives. The organization is somewhat problematic, but fascism is on the rise, so we’re not worried about that right now, okay? Hamill’s advertisement is called “Absentee” and it makes the case that legally-cast votes should be treated as votes, even tho...
Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” Featured in Joe Biden Campaign Ad: Watch
Eminem (photo by Natalie Somekh) and Joe Biden (photo by Phil Roeder, via the National Archives and Records Administration) In the final days of the 2020 presidential election, Joe Biden has decided to tug at the millennial heartstrings and use Eminem’s legendary hype song “Lose Yourself” in an official campaign ad. Titled “One Opportunity”, the 45-second clip utilizes the classic Slim Shady track to soundtrack black and white footage of people dramatically. . .being people. There’re shots of everyday folks running, skateboarding, playing basketball, spending time with family members, masking up for work, and waiting in line to vote. Eventually, some slow-motion clips of Joe Biden walking and a big “VOTE” message enter the fray, but the majority of the video feels more like a Nike commerci...
Feist Covers Cat Stevens’ “Trouble” for Justin Vernon’s For Wisconsin GOTV Campaign: Watch
Leslie Feist has returned with a new live cover of Cat Stevens’ “Trouble”. The performance supports Justin Vernon’s For Wisconsin GOTV initiative. Feist takes a lot of time between projects and has never seemed entirely comfortable in the spotlight. But America’s election is alarming even to reclusive Canadians, and her choice of “Trouble” almost speaks for itself. The track first appeared on Cat Stevens’ third album Mona Bona Jakone (1970), after Stevens had recovered from tuberculosis and a collapsed lung. Lyrics like, “Trouble/ Oh trouble move away/ I have seen your face/ And it’s too much for me today,” speak to that feeling when the slings and arrows of life become overwhelming. It’s a natural fit for the ongoing hell-year of 2020. Feist’s celestial voice is welcom...
Leaked Trump Docs: Billie Eilish Is “Destroying Our Country and Everything We Care About”
In what would have been the biggest scandal in almost any other presidency, Trump administration officials attempted to hijack $250 million allocated for a coronavirus awareness campaign, with the hope of using taxpayer money to instead boost Donald Trump’s re-election chances. Now, leaked documents have revealed the administration’s notes on potential celebrity endorsements, including a concern that Billie Eilish is “destroying our country and everything we care about.” The story began when the Department of Health and Human Services sent out a “performance work statement” to several communication firms regarding a $250 million contract. An exposé in Politico raised concerns about the partisan intentions behind the advertisements, especially as HHS is supposed to remain independent. This ...
Bruce Springsteen Yearns for a Return to America’s Glory Days: “We’ve Lost So Much in So Short a Time”
For everyone who loved the chorus of “Born in the USA” and glossed over the verses, it may come as a surprise to learn that Bruce Springsteen is not a fan of Donald Trump. In the most recent episode of his SiriusXM radio show “From My Home to Yours”, The Boss shared a prose poem lamenting that “There’s no art in this White House,” and mourning how “we’ve lost so much in so short a time.” The episode’s full title was “From My Home To Yours, Volume 14: Farewell To The Thief.” Capturing the national psyche, his election episode was also a horror episode. “It is time for an exorcism in our nation’s Capital,” Springsteen said to being the program. “Welcome to our Halloween/election day monster mash.” He added, “In just a few days, we’ll be throwing the bums out. I thought it was a fucking night...
Rocky Horror Picture Show Cast Will Reunite for Halloween Livestream Benefiting Wisconsin Democrats
There’s a rising star in leftist politics, and we don’t mean the California senator or the representative from the Bronx. No, it’s the talent booker for the Wisconsin Democratic Party, who has already put together cast reunions for Veep, Happy Days, The Princess Bride, and Parks and Recreation. Now, the donkeys in the Dairy State have announced a Halloween night livestream featuring music and actors from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Based on the 1973 musical The Rocky Horror Show, the RHPS film arrived in 1975 as an instant cult-classic. The gender-bending comedy took on new life after theaters in Los Angeles and San Francisco arranged midnight screenings with so-called “shadow casts” — groups of live performers who acted out the movie and encouraged audience participation. Wit...
Dave Bautista Slams Trump’s Tough Guy Act in New Joe Biden Ad: Watch
It’s no secret that Joe Biden has outraised the incumbent candidate considerably over the last few month. The surge in funds has led to a major uptick in advertising; just check out how many new ads get uploaded to Biden’s YouTube page daily. Many of those spots feature celebrities like Brad Pitt, Samuel L. Jackson, Sam Elliott, and Beastie Boys lending their voices to the cause. The latest A-lister to join the Biden train is none other than Drax the Destroyer himself, Dave Bautista. The former WWE star appears in a new ad called “That’s Toughness”. In the clip, Bautista wears a “Freedom” shirt while he explains the difference between acting like a tough guy and actually being one. “It’s easy to lie to people, it’s easy to bully people. That does not make you a tough guy,” he say...
Kanye West’s Poll Numbers, Much Like His Grammy, Are in the Toilet
The American public has been hoodwinked into electing some absolutely terrible human beings to the highest levels of office. But credit where credit is due: at least we’re not dumb enough to vote for Kanye West for president. Despite pouring in millions of dollars of his own money, Kanye West’s 2020 presidential campaign remains remarkably unpopular. A poll released by Reuters/IPSOS on October 17th has Kanye receiving just 2% of the vote nationally — which, in his defense, is 2% more than he was polling at two weeks prior. On a statewide level, Kanye isn’t doing much better. The Trump campaign had hoped Kanye would siphon off votes from Joe Biden in crucial swing states, but the rapper is polling at 1% in both Wisconsin and Michigan, and 0% (!) in North Carolina. And in a further sign...
50 Cent Endorses Donald Trump Even Though “Trump Doesn’t Like Black People”
Joe Biden has proposed raising taxes on people making over $400,000 a year. That was news to Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, who upon learning of the policy, quickly endorsed Donald Trump with the stirring words, “I don’t care Trump doesn’t like black people.” Still, this is a somewhat surprising endorsement. As recently as March, Jackson blasted Trump supporters over the government’s coronavirus response, saying “You wanted a reality show host as president. Well, now you’re on Survivor.” But something seems to have changed over the last six months. He recently posted a video of Trump dancing to “YMCA”, praising the President’s “no fucks given” attitude. Then today, October 19th, Mr. Cent published a CNBC screenshot that (somewhat misleadingly) showed the highest-possible tax rates for the top 1...
Sacha Baron Cohen Says Borat 2 Reveals America’s “Dangerous Slide to Authoritarianism”
In an interview with The New York Times, Sacha Baron Cohen spoke about his goals for the Borat sequel and what he learned while filming. Speaking to Maureen Dowd, Cohen said the “aim is to make people laugh, but we reveal the dangerous slide to authoritarianism.” Cohen highlighted the differences between America now and when the original film taped in 2005. “In 2005, you needed a character like Borat who was misogynist, racist, anti-Semitic to get people to reveal their inner prejudices.” But that’s not necessary any more. “Now those inner prejudices are overt. Racists are proud of being racists.’’ He added that President Trump is “an overt racist, an overt fascist,’’ which “allows the rest of society to change their dialogue, too.” The sequel is titled Borat Subsequent Movi...
