Sophie Grégoire Trudeau’s book reads like a motherly chat about mental health

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Those looking for dirt or intimate details on the marriage breakdown of Canada’s erstwhile first couple will be disappointed, for Sophie Grégoire Trudeau’s new book mentions the prime minister only a handful of times, and in glowing terms.

But it’s not about Justin. According to the author, the book is about her own mental health journey and “how it brought me to where I am, with experts weighing in to help the reader determine their own emotional signature and patterns.”

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Though it does contain enough cringe-worthy anecdotes for those looking to poke fun, the book is a serious attempt to introduce readers to important research in the field and share the knowledge Grégoire Trudeau has gained over two decades of advocacy work and through her own struggles with panic attacks and eating disorders.

It would be easy enough to pan the book, whose title — Closer Together: Knowing Ourselves, Loving Each Other — invites mean-spirited quips about the author and the prime minister growing farther apart, given their separation, announced on Instagram last August.

It is a scattershot, loosely edited collection of Q&A-style interviews that Grégoire Trudeau conducted with some of the world’s leading mental health experts and various entrepreneurs and celebrities (such as singer Jewel and comedian Mark Critch), interspersed with anecdotes about the author’s childhood and teen years, plus a few conversations with her children.

The tone is that of a chatty mom offering advice and suggested readings to a teenage daughter, as Grégoire Trudeau often addresses the reader directly and spells things out a little too didactically.

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That the author’s trademark naiveté and goofiness are on display in the book should come as no surprise to Canadians, who watched in amazement as our then-first lady spontaneously broke into song — a cappella — at a Martin Luther King Day celebration in Ottawa in 2016. The writing is overly earnest, cliché-ridden, and seemingly intended to help us see the author as a “regular person,” with passages that begin: “I don’t know about you,” “Trust me” and “As a mom …” Grégoire Trudeau’s earnestness will surely be grating to some.

In the first chapter, she explains why it is important to know oneself, especially since others will make assessments based on such superficial factors as looks or job titles or “whom we hang out with or whom we marry. … Although I don’t think we should define ourselves through specific words, since they can’t encompass an entire human nature and personality, I would say that I see myself as a passionate, creative and courageous woman, a hands-on, present, deeply loving mother, a devoted daughter, an intrepid sportswoman (according to a friend, the more appropriate term is breakneck), a loyal friend, a fierce advocate and steadfast ally — someone who has experienced joy and sadness and triumphs and challenges and all the messy, wonderful things that make up our lives. In other words, I’m a fully formed human being, just like you.”

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But the truth is that Grégoire Trudeau is not “just like you,” and that’s OK. She has great connections and a high profile, garnered not only as the former partner of a world leader but also through her decades of dedicated public advocacy for mental health education and awareness. She is using that high profile to spread a gospel of mental, physical and emotional wellness.

For the book, she has interviewed, in her words, “the best and brightest minds in the fields of mental health and well-being: child psychologists, neuroscientists, addiction specialists, relationship experts, artists, mindfulness teachers and more.” It is to her credit that she chose to magnify those voices and bring their work together. She uses candid snippets from her own life story to make the science relatable, to uneven effect.

In a chapter on attachment theory and child development, she quotes such experts as Drs. Allan Schore, Daniel Seigel, Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté. She adds revealing details of her own early childhood in Ste-Adèle, including her struggles with loneliness as an only child. Her father, a bank manager and then successful stock broker, and her mother, a former nurse, often argued and eventually split up. Their often unhappy relationship was a source of trauma for the young Sophie, who recalls counting the flowers on her bedroom wallpaper to distract herself from her parents arguing.

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Later she describes her pre-teen and teen years in Montreal, where she went to a private primary school, Mont Jésus-Marie in Outremont. Among her classmates was Michel Trudeau, Justin’s younger brother (who died at age 23 in a skiing accident).

She writes in graphic and heartbreaking detail about her eating disorder, which began to develop in her late teens. She includes a conversation with Dr. Stéphanie Léonard, an author and specialist in the treatment of eating disorders. Léonard adds nuance to Grégoire Trudeau’s musings that her parents’ difficult marriage and her own resulting perfectionism may have been the cause of her troubles.

“For a long time, we thought it was difficult family environments, perfectionist personality traits, rigidity and all that,” that causes eating disorders, Léonard says. “While these factors can play a role, we now know that there is a significant genetic basis for the risk of developing an eating disorder. In other words, it’s a vulnerability. To develop an eating disorder, there has to be a genetic vulnerability that is triggered, or not, through your life experience and environment.”

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Among the rare passages about her ex, Grégoire Trudeau describes how she reconnected with Trudeau in her late 20s. It was 2003, and Grégoire Trudeau was a Quebec television personality. She and Trudeau co-hosted a charity gala together. A few months later, he got around to asking her out on a first date, which went so well that at the end of the night, he apparently said, “I’m 31 years old. I’ve been waiting for you for 31 years. Should we skip the girlfriend phase and start with fiancé?” They were married in 2005 and had three children: Xavier, now 16, Ella-Grace, 15, and Hadrien, 10.

Much of the book is devoted to exploring teenagers’ development of a sense of self and expert advice about the importance of exercise, nutrition and sleep to mental health. We also learn how mindfulness, meditation, yoga and creative endeavours have helped the author curb panic attacks and navigate familial and romantic relationships.

References to Grégoire Trudeau’s marriage are fleeting, and sometimes poignant in their brevity. On page 262 of the 284-page book, she finally mentions the breakup. In a chapter on how important humour and play are to mental health, she writes about the slapstick humour and pranks Trudeau would engage in to make her laugh.

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“Over the years, he’s deliberately fallen on flights of stairs, in hotel lobbies and down ski hills, just to make me laugh. And even though we are no longer a couple, I know our shared sense of humour will always help us weather the storms.”

The book includes photos of the author as a child and teen, as well as some family shots in happier times. There is one of Sophie sitting on Justin’s lap, arms wrapped around each other. There are also exercises and tips at the end of each chapter, such as Fostering Positive Relationships with Young People; My Better Sleep Toolbox and Two Simple Exercises for Vagus Nerve Simulation.

While interest in the author’s personal life may bring readers to this book, they will find instead a primer on current trends and research on mental health and wellness, and tips for healthier living.

And if they do a bit of celebrity gazing along the way, maybe that’s OK. Grégoire Trudeau’s passion for these important topics, her curiosity and compassion shine through.

mlalonde@postmedia.com

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