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Pillow Fight: The Disappointment of Jake Paul vs. Mike Tyson, and How to Legally Rig a Boxing Match

Pillow Fight: The Disappointment of Jake Paul vs. Mike Tyson, and How to Legally Rig a Boxing Match

Everyone wanted the same thing: for Mike Tyson to make Jake Paul’s head explode.

Well, not everyone. The 27-year-old content creator received first billing on Netflix’s latest foray into live programming for a reason. Paul earned $40 million compared to Tyson’s $20 million, because Paul has a much larger fanbase, won through outlandish stunts, prank wars, and ruining his neighbors’ lives. His latest, err, innovation, is escalating his standard ‘feuds’ to actual fisticuffs, putting his body on the line in the boxing ring. It’s been lucrative, especially because he’s been careful to only book himself against other lesser talents. And while YouTubers take a lot of shit, you know who else cares more about money than being a good person? Boxing promoters.

But if you’re reading this — if you can read, period — you were probably rooting for Tyson. A violent bully and convicted rapist who frittered away a massive fortune, Tyson hit rock bottom and rebuilt himself by declaring war on his own ego, The now-58-year-old discovered self-reflection a bit later in life, and in the process became one of our culture’s most appealing redemption stories. At one time so out of control that he bit his opponent’s ears, Tyson now stands as a kind of proof that no one is beyond absolution.

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Unfortunately, the fight was pretty much over before it began.

This is not to say that Tyson threw the match. Despite internet rumors of a ‘script’ being leaked, all the evidence points to a fight that took place fully above board. Paul won as the betting public expected him to: By keeping his distance in the early rounds, using his three-inch height advantage to stay away from Tyson’s fists, wearing his much older opponent down, hugging when he felt threatened or gassed, and relying on youthful stamina to win on points. Tyson hadn’t boxed since 2005, but he stepped into the ring with the fabled puncher’s chance — hey, all it takes is one haymaker, right?

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Unfortunately Paul headed this off by negotiating for the use of special gloves, 14-ounces instead of the standard 10 ounces. With 40% more glove padding than a normal boxing match, Tyson’s best chance to win had been effectively neutralized. All he could do was hold on.

Neither man demonstrated the stamina to go eight rounds, and as the match dragged on they watched each other almost as much as we watched them. Tyson entered the ring with his right knee in a brace, and by round three his legs were visibly  troubled. Without his footwork, his striking fell back into the bad habits that plagued the end of his career: few combinations, no discernible strategy, and big punches thrown up like prayers. A few times a round he loaded would-be-knockouts, but without setup, they rarely landed. Tyson moved his head and defended admirably, but Paul would have won even without those pillowy gloves.

Audiences who stayed up for the main event (the opening bell rang four hours after the advertised start) were no doubt disappointed, but at least they saw a couple of good matches on the interminable undercard. A welterweight championship match between Mario Barrios and Abel Ramos became a non-stop battle, and it was so close that not even the judges could tell who won: it ended in a split draw, to boos from the crowd. Then Katie Taylor and Amanda Serrano faced off for the undisputed super lightweight title, a rematch of an iconic  (and disputed) 2022 bout. The announcer’s repeated insistence that “herstory” was being made nearly spoiled it, but boxing fans had to cheer for such a vicious, bloody affair. Once again, Taylor won to the shock of the crowd, cementing her legacy with a unanimous decision that belied the closeness of the fight.

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If you were looking forward to Barrios vs. Ramos,  or Taylor vs. Serrano, you got your Netflix subscription’s worth (that is, if you could watch it: Slow loading times pushed me onto my laptop next to the router, and had Netflix trending on social media for all the wrong reasons). But as for the rest of us, even west coasters probably wondered why they stayed up so late.

Tyson and Paul both took home big paydays, but the true winners of the evening were Netflix and Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys and AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas, where the fights took place. In an interview earlier in the evening, Jones mentioned how excited he and the rest of the NFL were about Netflix lighting money on fire breaking into live sports. This year, Netflix has two NFL games on Christmas Day. The next time a league contract is up, expect them to get more.

So far they haven’t been earned more. But after Paul vs. Tyson, there’s nowhere to go but up.

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