There’s nothing in American culture so dumb that politics can’t make it dumber. As proof, look no further than the breathless media coverage of the relationship between Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, which is very much like any other courtship between two people, except for a few minor details: their good looks, their vast wealth (Swift and Kelce combine for over $1 billion, in the same way that Michael Jordan and Stacey King once combined for 70 points against the Cavs), the apparent likability of their potential in-laws, and the involvement of the NFL, Fox News, and two presidents of the United States.
How did we get here? Why are a pop star and a football player suddenly big stories in the 2024 election? For current President Joe Biden, the answer is simple: Swift endorsed him in the 2020 election — but with cookies instead of his true love, so maybe she didn’t like him that much.
She’s also responsible for record one-day voter registration, and she fucking hates Trump, which is why, as the New York Times reports, she’s atop The White House’s wishlist of 2024 surrogates. Some elected officials supporting Biden are already begging her in public, which means her inbox has to be crazy. Have you ever donated $5 and been inundated with follow-ups? Now imagine if one of your Instagram posts delivered close to 35,000 votes; she might have a whole staffer whose job is to hit ‘unsubscribe.’
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Meanwhile, Trumpland has declared a “holy war” on Swift, which on the surface seems like an overreaction to a plate of cookies. But, like a cameo in a Star Wars series on Disney+, this war makes a bit more sense if you read the lore. In some ways it’s an extension of Trump’s anti-vaccine stances, with Kelce appearing in ads for the Pfizer jab. Swift’s feuding with Tennessee Senator Marsha Blackburn probably has something to do with it, but I’ll be honest, I got lost around the time Fox News was wondering, “Is Taylor Swift a Pentagon PsyOp Asset?”
It’s only getting crazier. In the past weeks, both failed presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy and the far-right OAN have openly suggested that the Super Bowl is rigged in order to throw the election for Biden — a theory that somewhat overstates the importance of one tight end while dramatically underestimating how much 31 NFL fanbases have grown to hate the fucking Chiefs. On second thought, maybe knowing the lore doesn’t help.
And so it comes to pass that Taylor Swift and her squirle-loving boyfriend are set up to play a major role in the 2024 election — whether they want to or not. But before you pooh-pooh the stakes, consider how many other dumb things have potentially swung elections: Jimmy Carter’s use of the word “malaise,” Howard Dean’s mic malfunctioning when he shouted, “Yeah!” and Richard Nixon’s sweaty decision to forgo powder during his first televised debate with JFK.
Elections have been decided by much more trivial things than Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s relationship. And if history has taught us anything, it’s that this particular story is likely to get a whole lot dumber before it goes away.
