“We talked about it and realised we had no desire to have a kid, at least for the time being,” Yangandul explains. Her own medical history—she was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism at 18, which she now has under control—and witnessing the painful experiences of her sisters has kept her from rushing toward motherhood. “There is a possibility that we might change our minds five or ten years down the line, but these are our goals now, and who’s to say what the future holds?”
The pitch for the DINK life isn’t always “freedom”. Commonly, there is also sustainability, both in terms of climate change and the very prohibitive cost of raising a child. “In my own circles, I know five couples that have chosen to not have children,” says Bhandari, who is the author of the academic books Matchmaking in Middle Class India and Money, Culture, Class: Elite Women As Modern Subjects. “Their reasons are far more profound and well-thought-out—not a response to material affluence.”
Sociologically speaking, if there is a connection between affluence and kids, Bhandari says, it’s not about whether to have them, but how many. “Mine may be a biased sample, but it is important to understand decisions of being child-free beyond the framework of self-interest.”
Self-interest or selfishness is high up on the list of criticisms that DINK couples invite—from their closest relatives and from complete strangers. There’s also insurance: Who will take care of you when you grow old? Verma says while this does worry her, it isn’t like having kids is a guarantee they’ll be there later. Then there’s loneliness. The top comment under Yangandul’s DINK reel: “Ever heard of the word ‘blink’? Cause that’s how long this marriage will last.”
“I thought that was very clever,” laughs Yangandul, “but that’s so much pressure on a child. It’s where all this generational trauma comes from. I think people need to chill out.” She adds that while the trolling was heavy on this reel, they have found greater acceptance among their peers in the US and India IRL. Ditto for Verma, who also adds that it is their families back home who find their decisions difficult to digest. A social media trend such as #DINKLife, both agree, validates their choices and helps them feel less alone, often in the face of rigid societal pressure.
Generational divide aside, “There is no doubt that urban Indian population is undergoing a demographic shift due to a range of changes including delayed age of marriage, singlehood, decisions to have fewer or no children,” says Bhandari. “These are not ‘new’ ways of being in an Indian family and kinship context, but the number of these household types is certainly on the rise. Relationships will endure, just with different family and household types.”
Yangandul and Mehta, who offer financial tips for couples with aspirations similar to theirs, are planning a fall trip to New Hampshire, which will be the 30th US state they visit. This year alone, Verma and Jha have been to Kazakhstan, Estonia, Lithuania, Latvia and are planning to visit Malta. “I mean we have disposable income that’s not being spent on diapers and tuition. So why not?”
Also read:
Why, in 2019, are women still judged for their choice to be child-free?
Is staying single and child-free the key for women to live happily ever after?
Child-free by choice: A gradually rising “trend” in urban India
