Despite the hectic times surrounding the release of Spears’ fifth studio album, Blackout, she still considers it her favorite. She writes, “Blackout, the thing I most proud of my whole career, came out right around Halloween in 2007.”
The career-defining album featured hits “Gimme More,” “Break the Ice” and “Piece of Me.”
She performed “Gimme More” at the 2007 MTV VMAs, but ahead of the set, wasn’t feeling great after having two babies, suffering from postpartum depression and a series of other issues behind the scenes.
“Backstage at the VMAs that night, nothing was going right,” she writes. “There was a problem with my costume and with my hair extensions. I hadn’t slept the night before. I was dizzy. It was less than a year since I had my second baby in two years, but everyone was acting like my not having six-pack abs was offensive. I couldn’t believe I was going to have to go out on stage feeling the way I felt.”
To make matters worse, she also ran into her ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake backstage, and everything resulted in her having a panic attack before going live.
“I went out there and I did the best I could at that moment in time, which — yes, granted — was far from my best at other times,” she writes. “I could see myself on video throughout the auditorium while I performed; it was like looking at myself in a fun house mirror.”
To add salt to the wound, following her unflattering performance, comedian Sarah Silverman made fun of her to the global audience. “She said that at the age of 25 I done everything worthwhile in my life I’d ever do,” Spears recalls. “She called my two babies ‘the most adorable mistake you’ll ever see.’ I didn’t hear that until later, though. At the time I was backstage sobbing hysterically.”
